Democracy in Peril (but do voters care?)
Written by Tyler Snodgrass, Oct 2022. Read live at The Paper Machete in Chicago.
A New York Times/Siena College poll found that voters across the political divide finally agree on something: that Democracy in peril...but, they also agree that saving it is not a priority.
It’s an interesting mindset to occupy as an election approaches: “I could use democracy to protect democracy, but, eh, what do I using democracy for?”
Again, this is a view shared by democrats and republicans, but when pushed further, it’s the only thing they agreed on:
Dems called Trump a threat. While republicans called Joe Biden a threat.
Dems called the electoral college’s ability to override the popular vote a threat to democracy. While republicans said voting rights and the ability to partake in democracy was a threat to democracy. So, yeah...
81% of those polled say Democracy is being threatened, but there are more important issues—like the EcOnOMy.
Which is such a funny priority…“I realize that the my ability to curtail the power of corrupt leadership is at risk, but what does any of that matter if Bank of America isn’t seeing record profits?”
“Yes, yes, of course I want me and my fellow citizens to be protected from the apocalyptic tide of looming fascism...but will my bros on Wall Street be ok?”
“Do I want to become a non-autonomous cog in the machine of authoritarianism—no! But what does freedom even matter if Elon Musk isn’t happy! Buy a Tesla, tell him he’s funny! We need Musk happy!”
Not to sound too cynical, but both Democracy and “The Economy” of are made up anyway. You can’t touch them. They’re both just ideas from way, way back. Democracy, for example, was invented by ancient Greeks (when they weren’t worshiping a bunch of incest gods), and the Economy was invented by the villains in the Bible.
Speaking of things made up:
We all know that Republicans have largely disputed the 2020 election. They think “How could Donald Trump have lost? He was so smart, and hot!”
It used to be easy to brush off these conservative delusions—sure, they don’t believe in elections, who cares? They also don’t believe in lots of stuff, like accurate history books or the female orgasm.
But doubts have only worsened in the last 2 years: The poll suggested 28% of all voters, including 41% of Republicans, said they had little to no faith in the accuracy of this year’s midterm elections.
To these people, I would request: just sit this one out. Let’s see if you’re right!
Even crazier:
“71% of Republicans said they would be comfortable voting for a candidate who thought that the election was stolen, as did 37% of independent voters and 12% of Democrats.”
That’s a wild group of individuals—people who are running for elected office but don’t believe in the legitimacy of elections. What happens if they win?
“Sir, You won!”
“Shit! Bamboozled again by Joe Biden!”
Not believing that elections are legitimate yet running for elected office is like representing yourself in court but you think prison isn’t real.
Sadly, it makes sense that our collective faith in Democracy is fractured. Because we aren’t really a Democracy anyway. And not because “We’re ACTUALLY a REPUBLIC.”
It’s because, here in America, we’re an oligarchy.
An oligarchy is a governing system where all decisions are controlled by a small group of powerful, corrupt, unhinged people. Like in Russia, China, or Guns ‘N Roses.
Unsure if you agree? Think about who determines what is “constitutional” in America? The Supreme Court, right? A balanced group within our three equal branches of government, riiiiight?
Well, because of the current political divide on the bench, the balance has fallen away, and your rights are determined, not by 9 thoughtful Law-Geniuses, but by just 6 dead-eyed, fetus-obsessed, clownfucks. And of those Justices, who were NOT elected, four were nominated by Presidents who lost the popular vote, and then were all confirmed by a senate whose collective power has never made any sense in the first place because why does someone representing ~1 million people in Montana have the same power as someone representing ~36 million people in California?
I know why! Because in The United States, Halloween is every day: our country is an oligarchy dressed up as a slutty little Democracy. And we just keep playing along because—despite what most of the Supreme Court thinks —sluts rule.
Pulling this thread, a valid question arises: has America ever been a Democracy at any point in its history? Is democracy even possible within a capitalist society, when influence, information, and misinformation can be generated and distributed by the wealthy?
This question probably can’t be answered here today, and is best left to be pondered by you, when you cannot sleep at 3am, and you’re having a late-night panic attack.
A much more fun question to ask is:
How do we restore faith not only in democracy, but in the idea that democracy even matters? Who or what will be the affirming mouthpiece that provides the hope and unity we desperately need?
It’s gonna take two words: Dolly Parton.
Dolly is the definition of trustworthiness and universal likability. Dolly is the Abraham Lincoln of people who aren’t Abraham Lincoln: both have had a tremendous impact on American culture, fandom of both are claimed by equally conservatives and progressives alike, and both have been married to spouses who almost certainly are beards. Dolly is the Way, the Truth, and the Light. Dolly is the anti-James Corden.
This year she was inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame even though she has never released a rock and roll album. She’s the reason we have the Moderna vaccine!
Dolly, through her infinite power, kindness, and wisdom, ushered in the return of Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza!
If anyone can save democracy, it’s her.
So, it’s call to action time: Let’s get Dolly to promote democracy to the American people. Let’s work together to get Dolly Parton to get us to work together. Send her emails and letters, Tweet at her, bring hand-written signs to DollyWood—asking Dolly to rise to the occasion, fulfill her destiny, and save democracy.
And you know, it may not work, it’ll be more effective than voting.